Death of a Boy

I can remember the first time you killed a man.

You could recount the arch
Of his plane,
The way it dove for death

As if he needed it.

I can remember what you did after.

For hours you wept
And smoked
As if the weight of what you’d done

Would leave you.

I can remember the way you shook that night.

You moaned a name
Unknown to you
As if knowing him

Made him live.

I can remember how you punished yourself.

The arch of your plane
As it dove for death
But you escaped just in time

To earn the burn over your eye.

I can remember the way you smiled

As you phoned your father
And told him
Your feminine hands

Were finally a man’s.

I can remember the shame in your voice

As you cried to your mother
And told her
"I’m a monster, Mimmy,

I’ve killed a boy."