I've been blessed by my family to have plenty to eat out of my locker box, which is a good thing, especially for a man incarcerated. I am a man with multiple choices of items to eat and not starve—being able to buy items from the commissary such as tuna, gumbo, sausages, chili- packs, red-beans and rice, chicken alfredo, mackerels and sardines—which all have a high price on them. So here I go again with a choice of fixing gumbo, making chicken wraps, sausage, red beans and rice, or maybe even a pizza to curb my appetite. Well, perhaps I’ll just eat some junk food to snack on for right now and nothing too heavy. Actually, that's just being selfish because I get three meals a day. As a MDOC convict they have to provide me with something to eat, even if roughly seventy-five percent of the time it’s something I don't want to eat. Therefore, as a man, somewhere, or sometimes a person has to have dignity for his family. Stop thinking about himself and have self-respect for his family and self-esteem for himself. 

One day, after receiving commissary, I had a very sorrowful feeling. I should have been feeling joyful, especially with a $150 bag full of all the goodies: chips, M&Ms, Honey Buns, Stage Planks, and candy bars. All at once it hit me like a train: my family has been spending money on me for the last fourteen years. What a disappointment I am to my family, a pitiful excuse for a man. I don't ask for anything, but they still bless me every other week.

 
Well it's time for that to stop. As a man I am supposed to be taking care of my family, but being incarcerated it's the other way around. My daughter Juantaya has just had a baby, and she needs help physically; Mom needs help financially, and my entire family needs help spiritually. Yet my entire family has been supporting me financially. To me it seems like I'm a monthly bill. So, I've decided to take that monthly bill that's being spent on me and use it in a way to help support my family, especially Mama. 

I'm tired of taking food out of my family’s mouth, accepting money that should pay a utility bill, money that should pay childcare, money to put gas in their vehicle. So what can I do to give the groceries back, pay a utility bill, and offer childcare for my grandchild?   Can I save and give back what my family has given me starting yesterday? Even though I'm incarcerated there has to be some concerned consideration for dignity and how I can show love to my family.